Tuesday, February 22, 2011

It's been awhile...

My life lately has looked alot like this (mid-terms next week).

My house (which I hate <-- long story) is looking like this.

I haven't been cooking much because, well no time. My little Mercedes needs a haircut so bad, she can barely see. I'm such a mess lately :(

Things that are important to me:
1. Have kids soon (medically important)
2. Raise my children (no daycare)
3. Do something I love (i.e. cakes)
4. Finish school (3 more classes!)

Every single thing on my list seems unattainable. I'm unhappy with Mr. P lately. I want my own place. He had the house before me and it's become such a burden for both of us. It's too big to keep clean, the yard is too big to manage and the mortgage is too expensive. Everyday I come home, I'm reminded of how unhappy I am with my life and goals. I'm working on school and almost finished. Everything else is way off in the distant future.

Mr P and I are on such rocky ground lately because of the house. He's so focused on the house, I've been feeling like I'm off on my own. I told him to pay more attention but he said he has too much going on. I'm at the fork in the road again. Do I wait it out and hope things get better or just go and make things happen for myself ? 

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

At least I get to bring home my homework

The weekly benefit of being a pastry arts student, is that I get to bring home food/pastries/desserts almost weekly. Whatever we make in class (1) goes to the restaurant and the remains is divided between the group :) The joys of college.
(Yep, I made that)
This weekend, I took some time to start a search of looking at condos. I don't know if Mr. P will be included in this decision and right now I am just looking out for my best interest. Of course other factors are playing into my search (such as breaking up our girls). I know ultimately, it comes down to what is best for myself. My attitude lately has been horrible and I'm trying to work on it.

I've started slowly working with a realtor and trying to get motivated with my homework for school and getting everything I need to done. I've decided next semester I will only be a part-time student. Full-time with a job is exhausting and not what I'm cut out for. If it takes me an extra semester or two to graduate, so what? At least I'll get the diploma and not become the wicked witch because of it.

I haven't made anything out of the ordinary lately for dinner and we've been eating out alot or out alot separately? Tonight I'm going to try making a bacon pot roast, yum? I'll try to post pictures and the recipe. I have a test to study for that got cancelled due to the Snowpocolypse that never showed. I miss my bloggy friends!!! :(

Thursday, February 3, 2011

It never ends

My life is too busy for me. School, work, sleep, eat, dogs. Everyone tells me I'm young and I can handle it, but can I? I'm 24 years old and I have health issues :( My body hurts most days when I get out of bed (sometimes while in it). I have anxiety issues to the max. I take things one at a time and try to stay calm and get to the next issue/problem/hiccup. I keep a positive attitude, despite being widowed at 20. Despite losing my son at 19. 
My latest problem has become my current relationship. It has become more trouble and disappointment than a positive part of my life. Money has become an issue, time has become an issue, who wakes up first in the morning has become an issue.
My mom is taking me to look at condos this weekend. I can not keep living in the situation I am in. I have spent the last 2 years of my life hoping things would fall into place for what I want/need, but they have not. I don't want to sit around and waste more of my time being unfulfilled. It's a difficult situation because we still both love each other, but we are not happy. Maybe just time apart will fix things.
I've read books, made dinners, gone to school, worked overtime. I still feel unhappy, drained and just plain tired. Life isn't fair, it's not easy, but I can do everything I can to enjoy the time I am here. Thanks for listening.