Random Thoughts in my life today

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1.) I have a migraine this morning that started right behind my eyes. The type you know that no amount of Tylenol will cure :( I know, I need new contacts/glasses and want to schedule that appointment before the end of the year, but that requires time and money and planning. Next.

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2.) Everyone and their sister is pregnant right now in my life and it's making me sad. As I've shared, I was one of those lucky pregnant girls at one point in my life. God had other plans and took my son away from me at 21 weeks old :( I should have a 4.5 year old son to celebrate Christmas with and I just don't. I spoil my niece, other people's kids and my dogs, but it's not the same. I know that my time will come, but I'm getting impatient and I want to make things happen yesterday. Had a convo with Mr. P about it, he wants to do it the "right" way, which so do I, but make it happen already.

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3.) I'm still having ovary pain and there is no end in sight. In order for me to work on #2, I need to get this all figured out. It's upsetting me, my doctor isn't doing more about it and their answer is to wait things out. I'm noticing I have no patience.

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4.) I need to make an effort to make it to the gym. I'm paying $30/month for a membership I never use :/ I really should go, but I'm lacking energy almost every day :( I keep up with the dogs, but even that is difficult at the moment.

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5.) I made a delicious dinner last night and wanted to post about it and share pictures, but I didn't take any pictures. I'm planning on making my bake sale cookies tonight and french onion soup for tomorrow. I have nothing planned for dinner tonight though.

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This is unreal

I can't understand why I'm feeling the way I do. I did just find out a coworker's wife is expecting their 2nd child (not a happy day for me). I don't agree with how they raise their first child :( It seems everyone I know is pregnant or having something spectacular happen in their life. Here I am, sitting another game out.

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My depression has hit an all time high (or low). I'm not happy about anything in my life. School, work, my relationship with my bf or my family. I hate taking things for granted but I'm constantly throwing myself pity parties :( Not to mention I started a new medication that is throwing my hormones for a loop. My pain from my cysts are back, so I'm spending about 70% of my day in constant agonizing pain.

Everyday I have good intentions, start the day with a clean slate. Check off a few things from my to do list and even cook or bake something. Instead I spend all of my time curled in a ball crying in the corner. My panic attacks are increasing, both in severity and frequency. The cyst pain is also increasing and my 2nd doctor has agreed that the pain will subside.....EVENTUALLY. I've asked numerous doctors, but I can't believe their solutions are deal with it until it goes away.

I have bananas rotting that need to be made into bread (or muffins). 

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A bowl full of apples for pie. 

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And a roast waiting to be thrown in the crockpot. 

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Laundry to do, dishes to wash and floors to scrub. 

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Nothing is getting done.To top it off I've been picking fights with Mr. P over everything. From what to have for dinner to what I want for my birthday. I feel like a horrible person. Maybe I should change the blog name to the complaining chronicles?