Sorry to be such a downer lately, but my Dr. called me last night. Turns out I have pre-cancerous cells and will need to have them frozen next week and removed :/ It's a fairly easy procedure, but still scary since I'm so young and it involves my reproductive parts. Since all of this has begun, I am going to talk to Mr. P about trying to get pregnant. He knows how important it is for me to have kids and my birthday is coming up and with my past, I'd like to get started. I know I'm not finished with school, but I will work and continue to go to school when I can.
I know I'm not like other girls my age, I've been married, I've been pregnant. I know what I want out of life. I want to be a mom. I want to take care of another life and wake up at 3am to feed him/her. I want him to come to me with scraped knees and allow me to kiss the pain away. I want to be responsible for another human life. When I was growing up and people asked what I wanted to be when I grew up I always answered, "A mommy". The person would laugh and say "No, what do you want your JOB to be?" I didn't understand until about 3rd grade that most moms worked a job too. I just want to be a mom, that to me, is the most fulfilling career choice for a woman.
My friends tell me, I should've been raised in the 1950s because that is my mind set. I don't mind cooking and cleaning and I like catering to my man's needs, it has never bothered me, until I started working. Then he had to start fending for himself because I was working 30+ hours a week and going to school another 12 hours, plus homework. That doesn't leave a ton of time to run the house, but I do it.
Another thing to think of is we aren't married. Sure, we have the rings, but we don't have the piece of paper stating we are husband and wife. We've had some bumps along the road, but nothing we haven't been able to work out. I know it's important to him though. My point is, I don't want to wait anymore to start trying to have kids. I've put it off, for when I finish school (which is another 1-1.5 years) or until he switches jobs or gets settled more in his job now. We could do it and I'm getting impatient waiting until the time is "just right". I don't feel like it's going to be. I think he is planning on proposing in the next year (he has said he wants to) and then a wedding would probably take place in 1-2 years after that. Its not important to me that we have a piece of paper, what's important to me is how much we love our child.I would like to have this all figured out by my procedure next week because my doctor is either going to put me on fertility medication or birth control to treat the cysts. So either we are trying or not all. Some options huh?