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I'm feeling nothing short of overwhelmed. This is why I secretly HATE December. I have zero me time. When I carve out 10 minutes to myself, I start feeling guilty. If I tell anyone I sat down and watched an hour of tv, they tell me what they did in that hour and make me feel like gum on their shoe for trying to keep myself sane.
Of all the people in the world, your mother is supposed to support you and tell you that you are doing your very best. Yesterday I shopped, Saturday I shopped, Friday night, I shopped. All I'm missing is gift cards and I am finished with my Christmas presents!
I always knew my mom was different.
My mom called me at work (a day she gets to stay home because of the roads) and tell me how selfish I am for shopping all weekend (and helping her by picking up some presents she needs) and not wrapping all her presents. For not baking her Christmas cookies so she can pass them off as her own. For going out of my way to pick up her granddaughter and driving her back and forth on these icy snow covered roads so my mother doesn't have to step outside at any point today (which I will be doing in 6 hours).
I've known since I was young, my mom was different than other moms. She didn't cook, or clean, or bake cookies, or tell me she loved me. She left lists on the kitchen table of "chores" for us to finish each day after school. She never helped me pass a test or study for a quiz. She told my brother he was from outer space and adopted and she laughed. She once told me I was going to hell for eating a pepperoni on Good Friday. I was in third grade and was left crying in the bathroom for 3 hours until my dad got home from work.
My mom never told me I was pretty or smart. She had her share of problems that she has passed on to me. I used to imagine I would get kidnapped and that my life would be so much better than what it was. Now that I'm older and grown it's gotten worse. I don't feel I can continue my relationship with her. She says mean things and throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She criticizes my life choices and tells me I'm wasting my life. I'm not sure how much more of her I can take before I completely cut her from my life.
I always knew my mom was different....
well, crap, that's ridiculous! you don't deserve to be made to feel like that, especially by your mother. here is my opinion-you are an adult person who can decide whether or not that relationship can continue. if it is healthier for you to remove her from your life, then you've got support doing so. i'm not going to, and i don't think anyone else should, tell you to keep going or change something in you, when your mother makes the choice to treat you with little or no respect and appreciation. also, good for you for writing from the heart and "for real." that's the end of my rant.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you're going through that. Your situation is like mine, with a few different quirks. My mother and I work best when she's on the East coast and I'm at least a thousand miles away. In July, I finally snapped after a lifetime of insults, demeaning and denouncing comments, and lack of concern. We had a huge falling out and she's now a bit better.
ReplyDeleteHave you brought up your feelings to your mother? Remember, you need to do what is best and healthiest for you. Don't concentrate on how it's supposed to be, rather concentrate on what the situation is and go from there.
Just take your time through this and don't do anything rash.
XOXO,
Liz
I'm so sorry that your relationship with your Mom is so hard, perhaps it about time you tell her exactly how you feel. You need to make sure that she knows how much it hurts that she demands all these things and favors from you without you getting no appreciation from her.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's a good idea that you cut her out of your life without giving your relationship the chance to improve by telling her how you really feel. Worst case scenario if things don't improve you won't feel that you didn't do anything possible to make things better. Good luck!